Today, when I woke up the first thing that came to my mind was my to-do list. Can you relate?
You see this last month has been very hectic with way too many things that had to be done. Work has been overwhelming as a business owner things have been over the top.
COVID-19 has had an impact on every area of all our lives. Every item has had it’s on deadline. I was thinking about what can I accomplish and mark off the list to make me feel successful.
I have been so anxiety-filled, exhausted tired, and worried about my list of ever-growing tasks that I honestly feel like a robot. Then it hit me - take a breath! I felt everything inside of me saying STOP! Your list is going to be there but you have moments that only happen once.
So with my cup of coffee in hand, I sat in the silence - pausing. Thinking and reflecting on how grateful I am for all the things I have and the blessings in my life.
As I mentioned the last month has been hectic, overwhelming, and full of emotions. A few weeks ago a dear friend had her husband pass away without warning! It just happened - no time to prepare! I see my friend now navigating the world without her partner and friend. I was thinking in the quiet of the morning about my friend and her situation which only made me feel grateful for my husband and the fact that he is here with me.
Then my mind starting thinking about my daughters! What an impact they have had on my life, the joy they have given me, and what an honor it is to be a mother.
This week is especially a time of reflection as my oldest daughter is getting married this coming Saturday. Wow, where has the time gone and it seems strange in a way. She has been dating her fiance’ for almost seven years and they have lived in the same home for the last 3 years or so. But just the actual thought that she is becoming a wife - something changes inside. Her name will change and on some level the responsibility you feel as a parent shifts.
I was wondering what is changing, her home is not changing, she is not moving away and the reality is the arrangement of her relationship is not changing but things are shifting. She is a bride, stepping into a new role as a wife. The spiritual aspect of being a wife shifts things, there is no easy out once you make that commitment. Relationships take work!
I was reflecting and thinking about what type of example have I been to her in my role as a wife. Have I shown that I respect and love my husband (her father) in a way that she will respect and love her husband? After almost thirty years of marriage, we have had our ups and downs but have been a good example? Have we shown her how to work through things as well as the joys of a partnership?
Pausing brought up questions and some answers!
It made me realized I have done the best I could up to this point and that is all I can do. My goal is to continue to be the best example I can be for both of my daughters.
Then I started thinking about the wedding itself - who is going to be there and of course, who is not going to be there. You see my father, my stepfather and father-in-law have all passed away. As a spiritual person, I believe they will all be there with us in spirit but they will not be present in pictures or there for hugs and the joy of the day. I cried a few tears thinking about how proud each of them would be of my daughter and the beautiful young woman she has become.
Honestly, I had not thought about who would not be at the wedding. Truthfully many of our family and friends will not be attending physically due to the current restrictions in place with COVID-19. But when I had time to pause and think about who IS going to be there it made my mind drift to who would NOT be there.
It’s amazing what happens to our emotions as we take time to just pause. After a few moments, I regained myself and was able to continue thinking about the blessings of my life and how I am filled with gratitude for all I have.
As my thoughts drifted back to the present, I realized that a to-do list is always going to be there!
There is power in deep reflection. Let me know in the comments below what comes up for you.
Post written on September 13, 2020